Betty ford says i'm here all night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
