My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
