So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
