You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
