guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
