so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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