Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i came on her dog
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
