Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
