can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
