god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
