I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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