There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
