if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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