i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
