i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
