Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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