so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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