Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
