I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
