I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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