If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
