She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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