What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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