My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
