youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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