capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
