Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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