so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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