I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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