Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Enjoy the penises
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
