yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
