im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
