I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
