It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
