If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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