Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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