I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
