If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
