Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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