I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
