Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
