Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she smelled like a LAN party
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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