Having a random hookup so left but love u
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
