I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
