Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
