weddingsv make me drug and hornr
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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