Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
