i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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