Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
