i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
